Can we do away with the turkey already?
Turkeys, you should know, only became famous because they were plentiful and dumb. In contrast to the fable that suggests pilgrims ate turkey at their infamous 1621 feast with the Wampanoag Indians, records only indicate they ate “fowl” and historians are betting their money on ducks and geese. No, the turkey holiday roast became a thing in the early 1800s, largely at the suggestion of those wanting to create a national holiday to foster unity in an increasingly divided America (sound familiar?). The bird’s fantastic stupidity made it an easy catch, and unlike cows or chickens which produce milk and eggs, the turkey only had its fat meat to offer. Couple that with the fact there were plenty of them, you got yourself an economical option for party food. And thus, a myth was born.
My uncle has been arguing against the turkey since 2010. Originally, it was a dryness issue. Dry poultry is no one’s idea of a good time, no matter how much gravy you ladle over it. His secondary complaint was that it was too much fuss. Being a former Thanksgiving traditionalist, I’ll admit he has a point.
Turkeys have always been famously difficult to make moist. There are countless suggestions on ways to make this not so, most of them involving something unappealing: brining the bird in a tub for three days, chopping the legs off the bird so they can roast longer than the breast meat, ladling warm broth on the plate before serving the turkey, marinating it in heaps of mayonnaise, etc. These aren’t the worst pieces of cooking advice I’ve read; they’re also not especially good. How exactly for instance, am I supposed to find a tub big enough to brine a turkey in and fit it in my refrigerator? And ladling broth on the plate is cheating, plain and simple.
None of this would bother me so much if I knew an astoundingly delicious turkey awaited me after all this effort. Still, despite coming from a family of great cooks, and researching countless cooking methods, I can’t say I’ve enjoyed that delicacy yet. Steaks though? Sure, tons! I once ate a pulled pork sandwich so good I slapped the table! And don’t get me started on fried chicken.
As twenty-first century cooks, we have a wide range of flexibility when it comes to our holiday meats. But the turkey has endured despite its tenuous link to early American history. Most novice cooks will look to the Thanksgiving meal as a challenge. I should know – I once had that dream. But wishing and doing are two entirely different things, and what I know now is that too much fuss does not a successful Thanksgiving meal make.
If you’re cooking Thanksgiving this year, take my advice: make it as stress-free as possible. Use a meat dish recipe you’ve made successfully already. Preferably, this would be something simple that roasts in the oven a good while, giving you ample time to focus on your sides, which should be multiple. Or perhaps you’re feeling the veggies. Make no mistake: vegetable mains are a stylish, modern option and when done well, can win over many a carnivore’s heart.
The other plus to doing something you’ve done before is you’ll know exactly what goes well with it. Most everything pairs with mashed potatoes and stuffing, so if these are Thanksgiving ‘musts’, don’t worry. There should be room for them on the menu. (And no, you don’t have to ‘stuff’ your stuffing in a bird. It is perfectly simple to bake outside of a turkey). This extends also to your desserts, which don’t have to be from the holy trinity: pumpkin, apple, and pecan. Creative pie recipes abound for the artistic spirit in all of us. Try out a few beforehand, bake them the night before Thanksgiving, and wow your guests with your ingenuity.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t get bogged down by what others believe about the Thanksgiving meal. If you’re the host, you’re royalty. Everything you say goes. Chances are their ideas about tradition and turkey are factually incorrect anyway. Your guests will thank you once they try a meal you cooked with love.
Of course, if you’re reading this and still think turkey has a place on the menu, who am I to stop you? Enjoy it, and I hope you find decent cooking advice that works for you. I on the other hand will make my uncle happy with a Thanksgiving pork roast.